For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link at the end of my story to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.
This week I cheated – massively.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
The Dog and The Tree (Translated from the original by EL Appleby)
Tree was mostly happy with his lot, he had plenty of sun and his dear friend, Stream, flowed beneath his roots. If it wasn’t for that damned dog, everything would be perfect.
‘Woof!’ [1] said Dog, as he cocked his leg and pissed all over Tree’s knobbly trunk, ‘Woof-woofy-woof-woof!’ [2]
Tree had an idea, he whispered it to Stream, ‘Rustley-rustle-rustle?’ [3]
And Stream replied ‘Whoosh-trickly-whoosh-whoosh-wooshy-wooshy-woo.’ [4]
The next day, Dog came bounding along and lifted his leg, ‘Woof! Woof-woofy-woof-woof!’
Stream, who’d been holding his breath for a good hour, aimed a burst of icy water at Dog’s privates.
‘Yelp!’ [5] said Dog.
‘Rustle-rrrustle-rustle!’ [6] giggled Tree.
(100 words – translations below for those who don’t speak Doggish, Treese or Streamese)
[1] Hiya!
[2] Love ya, Tree, I really really love ya!
[3] Hey, Stream, I’ve got a plan to sort that damned dog out once and for all, you in?
[4] Ok.
[5] Fuck me, that’s cold!
[6] Best. Fun. Ever.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!
EL Appleby: Brain Fragments 
Too bloody funny! I spit my tea out my nose, just then!
LikeLike
Thanks lisah
Your comment made me grin like a Cheshire Cat 😀
LikeLike
Thankfully I wasn’t drinking anything to spit out. Good thing you speak so many languages or I wouldn’t have had a clue!!
janet
LikeLike
Thanks janet – I’m glad you didn’t get a soaking like lisah205 – maybe I should put a warning at the top!
LikeLike
LOL!!!
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
😆 Cute story. Very Fable-ish. I like.
LikeLike
And the moral is: don’t mess with gnarly old trees!
thanks for commenting 🙂
LikeLike
I love, love, loved this! Brilliant! As the tree would say, ‘Rustle-rrrustle-rustle!’
LikeLike
rustley-rustle-rustle
(thanks for commenting 🙂 )
LikeLike
Excellent. Have you been on the sauce again? I love the experimental nature of what you’ve done here.
LikeLike
Stone cold sober when I wrote it. Which is worrying…
LikeLike
OMG….I think I just started breathing again. El, this is hilarious! Translation for yelp made me slide off my chair. Deeeeelightful!
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Thanks Rochelle.
I’m wondering if I should add a warning – i’ve got people scalding themselves with tea and now risking broken bones by falling off the furniture. Hope I don’t get sued!
LikeLike
You made me laugh too hard to sue.
LikeLike
Sammy says, “May I quote you?” Fun, fun, fun.
LikeLike
I did think of Sammy the Gat when I wrote it!
I don’t think Doggish is a patch on Sammy Speak though – there is no syntax or grammar (or spaces) in Doggish!
LikeLike
Wonderful. So glad you are well versed to translate. Delightful.
Thanks for your visit. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks jules
I studied for several years at the University of Woodland Languages – glad it’s finally paid off 🙂
LikeLike
there wasn’t a super like button so I can only like this ! bloody hilarious … I think the dog is one day gone pee in the stream when he looks the other way around to take revenge ! 😉
ps: whats is your secret ? you come up with such amazing stories ! 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Shreyank – what a fabulous comment!
My secret is my twisted brain – I’m not sure it’s necessarily a good thing!!!!
LikeLike
Hilarious! I always look forward to your posts, knowing I’m going to get a dose of humour or originality. And this week both! Well done.
LikeLike
Thanks Sandra
I really enjoyed writing this one. Every week I think this’ll be the week I write something serious and literary, but all this funny keeps pouring out instead!
LikeLike
That’s odd – every week I say I’ll write something funny but the dark side keeps taking over… 🙂
LikeLike
That’s great. The translations at the end were the icing on the cake.
LikeLike
Thanks David – I’m glad you liked the translations (they were my favourite bit!)
LikeLike
really a fun and entertaining read. looks like Doggish, Treese and Streamese can be easily learnt:)
LikeLike
Thanks nightlake. Yes, you should check out your local adult learning college – they may have classes you can join 🙂
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
Pity the poor dog. 😉
LikeLike
I agree! He was only trying to show his appreciation to the tree – maybe if the tree had taken time to learn a bit of Doggish, they would have all got on!
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
hahaha omg i laughed so hard! i thought the first part of the story’s adorable but when i got to the translations, well it’s just perfect.lol i love that you’re so crazy and original ^^
LikeLike
Thanks kz – I’m thrilled I made you laugh, I love writing these silly FF stories! See you next week 😀
LikeLike
Brilliant fun. Best “cheating” ever.
LikeLike
Thanks Bjorn – I’ll try to be good next time though 🙂
LikeLike
Great story El, very, very funny, but what was the cheat? I think you just bent the rules a little bit and we all better off for it. I think I’m going to read it again it was so good! 🙂
LikeLike
Hi Jwd
It works out as 140 words if you include the translations – plus all the hyphens between the woofs and the rustles mean they only count as one word. So definitely a massive cheat. Sounds like I got away with it though 😀
Thanks for your lovely comments!
LikeLike
You certainly did. 🙂
LikeLike
Ha, love it! Translations were brilliant 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks – glad you liked it!
LikeLike
I agree, you did cheat this week.. But this so so cute and adorable!
Just the kind of prank you’d expect a bored tree and steam to play on a clingy dog! Lol
LikeLike
I meant stream
LikeLike
Hi Parul
thanks for your lovely comment – I promise no cheating next week!
LikeLike
This fabulous. Just brilliant. I love it when I come across a perfect Friday Fictioneer story…
Claire
LikeLike
thanks Claire – I love it when I come across a lovely comment like yours 😀
LikeLike
Hahah! Thanks for the laugh. I could really picture that dog bouncing all over the place, full of excitement and love.
LikeLike
Hi Sheila
Yes, I’m not sure everyone saw it, but that poor dog was only trying to show the tree how much he loved it! I think he may be off to find a new tree to befriend now.
thanks for commenting 🙂
LikeLike
Haha – easily my favorite so far. I loved the way it started with a sort of mythological tone, loosened up with the conversation between the tree and the stream, and then has a great finish (great job with the tree giggle). The translations were indispensable.
LikeLike
Thanks Brian
I’m so pleased you liked it, thanks for your lovely compliments. The translations were my favourite bit to write – glad you liked them 🙂
LikeLike
A sweet whimsy tale. Thank you for the delightful and delicious chuckle.
LikeLike
Thank Lora – I’m glad I made you chuckle deliciously 😀
LikeLike
I can’t see even to WRITE this. I’m still laughing!!!!! Just from the title ALONE, I knew I was in for it … then the translations kicked in!!!
Why do I see Christopher Walken reading this with subtitles? (“A story … GOOD story … a FUNNY story … A GOOD FUNNY STORY!”).
Made me want to write bad checks. Brilliant!
LikeLike
Thanks so much. I LOVE your comments!!!!! I’m so pleased you got so much pleasure from my nutty tale – no bad checks though, bad man!!!
LikeLike
Well now I know where to go if I need to curse…Fuck me that was funny! Great Job!
Tom
LikeLike
Thanks Tom – I giggled like a ten year old when I wrote the ‘Fuck me’ line, then again when I read it back. I’m probably not mature enough to use language like that. (Not that that’s going to stop me!)
Glad you liked it 🙂
LikeLike
Very, very funny story! And since I read and speak Doggish, I was able to enjoy it in the original!
LikeLike
Excellent! A fellow Doggish speaker.
Woof-woofy-woof-wooof-woooooffff!!!
LikeLike
This was hilarious!! Loved it. I love the translations, especially #3 and #5. Ha ha. I love you stuff. You also come up with something so unusual and unexpected!
LikeLike
Thanks Amy
No. 5 was my favourite – not sure what that says about me 🙂 Glad you liked it and thanks for your lovely comments.
LikeLike
Hilarious! I threw my knees together, but it still felt cold. A dog’s gotta do what a dog’s gotta do.
LikeLike
I’m so sorry if I’ve caused you any discomfort 😀 Glad you enjoyed it though!
LikeLike
Trees just don’t appreciate the love of a good as say, tires do.
LikeLike
That poor dog – he just has too much love (and pee) to give!
thanks for commenting 🙂
LikeLike
smart dog, just ask it the right question — ‘What’s on top of a house?” Woof.
I laughed out loud over the foot-notes
LikeLike
Thanks Bill – glad I made you laugh. I’d like to say your ‘woof’ joke had the same effect on me…
😀
LikeLike
Your story kicks ass — a very creative take on the photo prompt. This is funny (and fitting!) revenge on the dog. And I like that the stream’s lengthy “Whoosh trickly….” simply means “Ok”!
LikeLike
Thanks zooky – you’re the only one who’s commented on the ‘ok’ – you made my day noticing that!
LikeLike
lots of fun and very original. here’s one way to trim some words.
Tree’s life was content. Plenty of sun. Dear friend, Stream, flowed beneath his roots. But that damned dog!
‘Woof!’ [1] said Dog. Leg cocked, pissing on Tree’s knobbly trunk, ‘Woof-woofy!’[2]
Tree whispered to Stream, ‘Rustley-rustle?’ [3]
Stream replied ‘Whoosh-trickly.’ [4]
Next day, Dog bounded along, leg lifted, ‘Woof!’
Stream, holding his breath for hours, sprayed icy water at Dog’s privates.
‘Yelp!’ [5] said Dog.
‘Rustle-rrrustle-rustle!’ [6] giggled Tree.
LikeLike
Thanks Rich
I should have explained that the cheat this week was deliberate – I was bang on 100 words without the translations.
Thanks for taking the time to try to cut it down for me, although I think it loses the flow if I take out quite so many words! I’ve promised to be good next week and stick to the wordcount.
Thanks for commenting 🙂
LikeLike
no need to stick to any word count. i like playing around and trying to trim things down. but yes, it does lose flow.
LikeLike
Oh my El! too damn funny! I thought my mind was strange, but yours matches mine! I love this…….one of your best my friend!
LikeLike
Thanks Jackie – you are lovely!
Between you and me, I think this is my favourite – I’ve been back and read it again a couple of times, and still find myself giggling – is that sad of me?
LikeLike
nah not sad, you have a great sense of humor! I laugh every time I think of it.
LikeLike
I don’t always laugh, but when i do it is with E.L.’ story. Ok, so I ripped off the Don Equiis commercial. I found this hilarious and laughed audibly. Sorry I can’t stand the stupid acronym that is terribly overused to show I laughed out loud.
LikeLike
Thank you for the translations. This was wonderful and funny and I don’t think you cheated at all.
LikeLike
Seriously clever and very funny. Love it!
LikeLike
I know this is blowing my own trumpet, but this is my favourite 100 (ish) word story I’ve written – and it still makes me giggle 🙂
LikeLike