I’ve got the day off work today, so plenty of time to dedicate to a fantastic foray into Friday Fiction (sorry, I seem to have gone alliteration-mad lately).
Last week I cheated massively by hyphenating the entire last sentence, but this week I’ve been good and there’s not a single hyphen (even though I was sorely tempted).
Oh, and despite my threats, Helena, nobody dies this week 🙂
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Spring Cleaning in Santa Zita
The townsfolk of Santa Zita were a bunch of lazy bastards who couldn’t be arsed to maintain the exteriors of their homes. Instead, once a year, the mayor selected a handful of men to accompany him on a pilgrimage to the highest mountain in the land, to pray to the Great Cleaning Lady In The Sky.
‘Oh Majestic Domestic,’ they implored, poetically. ‘Grace us with the lustre of your giant feather duster!’
‘And wear that French Maid outfit again!’ the mayor squeaked, barely containing his excitement.
And the men sat on the mountain, eyes to the skies, and waited.
(99 words)
Saint Zita is the patron saint of maids and domestic servants. So we know who to pray to when we’ve run out of clean undies 🙂
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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.
Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!
EL Appleby: Brain Fragments 
Very funny! I liked it! Men praying for such a thing…ach, but that’s a gas!
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Thank you – glad you liked it 🙂
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Hilarious!! Not to stereotype, but these are very much men. I hope the Cleaning Lady in the Sky uses them as feather dusters…
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I’m afraid I have massively stereotyped here! thanks for commenting 🙂
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I wonder what their wives, if they have them, think of this foolishness. They’re probably happy to get rid of those men for a while and throw a party. Very funny as usual. 🙂
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I think you’re probably right about their wives! Thanks for your lovely comments 🙂
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Ha!ha!Enjoyed this plea from the lazy ones at Santa Zita(what a name,more lol) 🙂
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I googled ‘patron saint of housework’ and got Saint Zita – the patron saint of maids and domestic servants, which was perfect. Glad you enjoyed my silly tale 🙂
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Yes,I did and had no idea that it is a real name 🙂
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Ha.. yes but I guess the mayor had to watch out so he wasn’t drenched when she did the wet cleaning..
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Hmmm… not sure where you’re going there… 😀
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… better watch out when she come with a bucket and cleaning mop—
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“And wear that French Maid outfit again!” – Best line EVER! ^_^v
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Thank you so much! Best comment EVER!!!
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OH MAJESTIC DOMESTIC!… Giant feather duster… Wear that French Maid outfit again…. These, along with hot apple streudel and schnitzel with noodles are now among my favourite things.
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What a wonderful comment, thank you so much Helena. I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Sooooo hilarious from the first line to the last! I have a similar attitude. That’s why I hire a girl to come in and clean my place every two weeks since I have no wife and it’s hard to find good help among the elves these days …
Laugh-out-loud wonderful, EL. That tiny sabbatical did you some good. 😉
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Thanks Kent. Elves are few and far between 😀
Your comments are wonderful and much appreciated. Just hope I can keep it going…
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oh god that was hilarious. 🙂 i read somewhere in the “rules for good writing” that one must “always avoid alliteration”. whoever wrote that rule was nuts, coz when done right, i love it. 🙂
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I love ‘always avoid alliteration’ – I’ll remember that along with ‘a preposition should never be used to end a sentence with’ 🙂
So glad you liked my silly tale.
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Where was that mountain?
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lol
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I want a Great Cleaning Lady of the Sky to sweep down! This was a wonderful take on the prompt. What a hoot!
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Thank you! If you find her, send her over to my place when she’s done at yours 🙂
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That was hilarious! I actually laughed out loud for realz (after I looked up the word ‘arsed’). 😀
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‘Arsed’ is an excellent word. I hope you will use it often from now on 🙂 Glad I made you laugh.
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Sounds just like my husband! Very funny.
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And mine 🙂
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Absolutely brilliant. I love ‘Majestic Domestic’.
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Thank you – I feel like a less than majestic domestic sometimes!
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Just wonderful. Period. End of comment.
janet
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wow – thanks 😀
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I enjoyed your poetic prayer – wonder if the women are cleaning while the men are up there, or having a ball!
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‘Majestic Domestic’ – inspired combination. Reckon you should enter a polish (the kind you spray on furniture, not the country) competition and win a fab prize… Love the story. They seem to be getting better and better!
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Anonymous is me, treymontague. It didn’t sign me in for some mad reason. Here I am
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I knew it was you from the picture 😀 Thanks for your lovely comments!
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Hilarious! I began to giggle at “majestic domestic”. The mayor’s words made me LOL and the last line brought out a satisfied chuckle. I’m off to work with a smile on my face. Thank you!
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What a lovely comment, thank you so much. I’m so glad I put a smile on your face 🙂
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How creative! Love it!
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thank you 🙂
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Dear EL,
I’ll add my voice to those praising “majestic domestic.” I giggled from beginning to end.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle – and did you notice there was even a bit of education in there at the end!
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Yes, EL. Lovely bit. Although she doesn’t seem to answer my prayers, so I’m condemned to live with my own slothfulness. 😉
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It’s amazing all the different things people see when they look at this picture. 🙂 Great story and I hope she responds, for their sake. I love the mayor’s little addition. Reminds me of Joe Quimby, womanizing mayor in The Simpsons.
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Hi David
I love the different takes on the prompt each week. Although it turns out, mine wasn’t the only giant feather duster this week!
thanks for your comments
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I’d like to ask – what are the exact steps and ritual for summoning Santa Zita?
And does she do windows?
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Ha ha! You need a mountain for a start – something which we don’t have very many of here in Essex!
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Funny stuff from start – “The townsfolk of Santa Zita were a bunch of lazy bastards” – to finish! Great piece. Let’s see the French maid costume!
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Thanks Perry. Yours was epic this week!
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I absolutely love your term “Majestic Domestic” How clever you are! Great story, and the Mayor would agree that I belong in Santa Zita! Good story! Nan 🙂
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Thanks Nan. I think there will be a lot of Santa Zita summoning rituals taking place on mountains across the world this week 😀
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Great fun. Love the French maid’s outfit.
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Thanks Patrick
Everybody loves a French maid’s outfit 😉
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I started laughing with the first line and it got better and better (the story, I mean, not my laughing) Such delicious irony that the townsfolk of Santa Zita are the ones most in need of St Zita. Maybe they should just change the name of their town instead to Perezoso Bastardos. 🙂 to have the converse effect 🙂
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Muchas gracias! And I agree totally with the name change 🙂
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99 words? how about throwing in “hot” before “french maid outfit”? yeah, do that. please? pretty please? i wonder if there’s a spanish maid outfit. can you write about that next week, if there is one? if not, can you create one? google images? victoria’s secret? well done.
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Hi Rich
Lovely to hear from you again, and I see your obsession with the 100 word limit hasn’t changed 😀
A Spanish maid outfit, hmmm… I see frills and castanets – could be interesting…
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i’m picturing those colorful, poofy-bottom dresses that sling around while dancing. oooh, the visuals!
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i think i know what the answer would be. but i dare not tell. 🙂
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They’re pretty dedicated, maybe their prayers will be answered 😀
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only men would pray for someone to clean!
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Oh I don’t know – I’m a regular at the top of that mountain. No luck so far, but I keep trying…
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This is fantastic, and I especially enjoyed how you characterized the mayor. I’ve been praying to the Great Cleaning Lady in the Sky as well. She has yet to make an appearance this year…Maybe it’s because last year I asked her to replace her feather duster with a Swiffer 360 duster. You know, for efficiency purposes. So sensitive…
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Thanks adelie. The mayor was also my favourite 🙂 And I think there may be a lot of prayers to St Zita this week!
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Brilliant! After reading your story I think the Majestic Domestic responded to their prayers by toilet papering their town, Take that you lazy bastards she laughed.
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Ha ha! That would definitely serve them right. Thanks for commenting 🙂
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You made me laugh out loud. “Majestic Domestic” is awesome! Such a cute story, although that mayor is a scoundrel.
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Thanks Lisa
I always allow the picture to simmer in my head for a few hours, and scribble notes on scraps of paper when they come to me. Majestic Domestic popped into my head when I was washing up (and being a very unmajestic domestic!) – I wrote it down, and then ‘lustre’ and ‘duster’ and the whole thing started to take shape.
Thanks for commenting, I love it when my stories make people laugh 🙂
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A crazy fun tale! I love the mayor. He’s pushing his luck a bit, though I guess it’s worth a try.
You’ve made me feel guilty about being “a bit behind” with the hoovering now 🙂
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So funny. What do the women on Santa Zita do then? Not that I’m gender stereotyping or anything. There is so much to love about this – your opening sentence, the idea of a majestic domestic. Your stories are a joy to read each week!
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This is hilarious! Ha, a giant duster! I’ll chuckle every time I dust now.
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Another triumph for the Theatre of the Absurd. Take a bow. Enjoyed this. 🙂
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Thanks Ann – that’s a perfect comment!
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🙂
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And they never heard from the Cleaning Lady in the Sky…
Wait a minute, by the time they returned, their wives/daughters must have cleared up all the mess! 🙂
Imagine crediting it to their prayer on the mountain!
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Absolutely brilliant. ‘Majestic Domestic’ I’m still laughing.
Your humour and lightness of touch is just so clever.
Well done
Dee
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Thank you – I have to confess I giggled as I wrote it 🙂
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What a funny story! So much better than adding to the body count, although there are occasionally times and places for the more macabre flashes. I didn’t know about Saint Zita, and I’m not a great housekeeper these days. Sounds like I need to do some praying. 🙂
Cheers!
Marie Gail
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I think there will be a lot of people praying to St Zita now – and I doubt she’ll have time to answer all their prayers!
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wonderfully, wicked wit…
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what wonderful words 🙂
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ha, ha…w, w, w…
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Hi, it’s Nan again. Am I not supposed to use hyphens when writing? I thought that they were legal forms of expression. Just asking if you know, Thanks! Nan 🙂
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Hi Nan
If you’re referring to my intro, the ‘illegal’ aspect was turning twenty words into one by the process of hyphenation! Genuine hyphens are fine. But the truth is there is no illegal or legal in FF. Just a lot of fun playing 🙂
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Kindly point me in the direction of that mountain! Very funny El. 🙂
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