carpe diem haiku: ginkgo leaves

ginkgo leaves

 

I take you daily

in tablet form, however

I’ve forgotten why

 

~

https://i1.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/32/Ginkgo_biloba_scanned_leaf.jpg

For Carpe Diem prompt no. 500: ginkgo leaves

Need more ha ha haiku? Click here 🙂

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carpe diem haiku: buttercups

buttercups

 held under your chin

yellow means you love butter

as does your wide waist

~

https://elappleby.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/19589-cimg0119.jpg

For Carpe Diem prompt no. 499: buttercups

Need more ha ha haiku? Click here 🙂

carpe diem haiku: butterfly

butterfly

you used to flit, but

your flitting days are over,

cruel formaldehyde

~

butterfliesFor Carpe Diem prompt no. 498: butterfly

Need more haiku humour? Click here 🙂

carpe diem haiku: nakedness & other dangly bits

nakedness

your drooping member

has given me the giggles

please put some clothes on

 

This is for the Carpe Diem Haiku prompt no. 497: nakedness, and it’s my first attempt at haiku. I’m probably not following the complex and myriad rules of haiku, but I enjoyed myself so much that I went back over some of this month’s earlier prompts.

Here’s my Carpe Diem June Catch Up:

nights of summer

drizzle penetrates

we shiver in cardigans

summer in Britain

~

after loving

we lie back and smoke

our post-coital cigarettes

then one of us farts

~

hot springs

miracle water

disappoints as it’s not quite

hot enough for tea

~

kissing

lips slip, noses bump

teeth clash, I wish I could kiss

like they do in films

~

breeze

a warm wind cometh

too much broccoli, methinks

better out than in.

~

dawn

we watch the sun rise

wide awake, praying for sleep

damned amphetamines

~

being lazy

I bought a stair-lift,

there’s nothing wrong with my legs

I just can’t be arsed.

 

Friday Fiction: Perforated Walls

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http://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/old-wallpaper-mary-shipman.jpg

Photo prompt copyright Mary Shipman

 

Perforated Walls

Maureen was suffering from palpitations, mood swings and night sweats. Her mother recognised the symptoms immediately.

‘The Change, Mum? Seriously? I’m too young!’

‘Nonsense, dear,’ said her wise old mum. ‘It comes when it comes.’

That night, Maureen felt worse than ever.

*

Come morning, Maureen’s mother clambered over what remained of the door, ‘How was your night?’

‘The facial hair’s pretty unpleasant,’ Maureen said, surveying the destruction of the previous night, the shredded curtains, perforated walls and splintered furniture. ‘But running wild, eating whatever I damn well please was seriously liberating . And you say this happens every full moon?’

 

(100 words)

 

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Need more stuff to read? Give Firewords Quarterly a go (there’s one of my stories in Issue One!)

No More Picking Up Other People’s Shit

(This is the full version of my Friday Fiction story: Eau De Teenager’s Bedroom)

http://maryloudriedger2.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/2218399.jpg

 

No More Picking Up Other People’s Shit


JANUARY

Ellen pins her resolution to the notice-board: No more picking up other people’s shit.

‘Mummy swore!’ says her youngest, Lucy.

‘Challenge accepted,’ says her eldest, Danny.

 

FEBRUARY

A ripe pungency escapes from Danny’s room.

‘What’s that smell?’ asks Lucy.

‘Smell?’ says Ellen, adjusting the clothes-peg on her nose.

 

MARCH

Danny’s room disappears under magazines, washing, junk. He’s hunting for candles.

‘What for?’ asks Ellen.

‘Can’t find the light switch,’ says Danny. ‘Or the window.’

 

APRIL

‘I give up,’ Ellen adjusts her gas mask. ‘I’m coming in!’

Danny calls down the stairs, ‘Lucy, you owe me a fiver!’

 

MAY

Danny gloats.

Ellen glowers.

In her son, Ellen sees a young man who understands the meaning of the term ‘woman’s work’ and it makes her sick.

 

JUNE

Ellen pins her mid-year resolution to the notice-board: Everyone does chores.

Danny gets the dishes. He stomps. Lucy gets the hoovering. She cries.

‘But Mummy,’ she says. ‘I like hoovering and washing-up, why do I have to choose?’

In her daughter, Ellen sees a young girl who understands the meaning of the term ‘woman’s work’ and it makes her sick.

 

JULY

Danny washes up each night without complaint. He’s quick too. Ellen is pleased and celebrates with a fish and chip supper. She asks Lucy to fetch the plates.

There are no plates in the cupboard. There are no plates in the sink. Where are the plates?

Danny!

 

AUGUST

Ellen buys a new dinner set and stands over Danny while he washes up each night. Sometimes they talk.

Lucy no longer complains about not being allowed to clean and is playing in her room.

Progress, thinks Ellen.

(Lucy is secretly cleaning the bathroom, but we’ll let Ellen have her fantasy a little longer).

 

SEPTEMBER

It’s Danny’s seventeenth birthday! He wants a car, a computer and a personal maid.

Ellen wants to hit him on the head with a salami. She doesn’t though. She buys him a birthday cake, ten driving lessons and a pair of rubber gloves.

Lucy eyes the gloves jealously.

 

OCTOBER

Ellen steps up the ante. She shows Danny how to use the washing machine.

Danny actually shows an interest. Possibly because of the knobs, dials and flashing lights.

Lucy wants to clean the bathroom as part of her chores. Ellen agrees, it’s an easy job as the bathroom never seems to get particularly dirty.

 

NOVEMBER

Danny is thriving in his dual role of chief washer-upper and chief launderer.

(There was a Red Sock Incident early on, but Danny says pink is ‘in’.)

Ellen is looking forward to Christmas with her well-rounded, fully-functioning children.

 

https://i0.wp.com/winemommies.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/hate-housework2.jpg

DECEMBER

Ellen walks in on Lucy surreptitiously polishing the silver.

‘Would you look at that shine, mum!’ she says.

Ellen walks out.

Danny has an announcement.

‘I’m leaving college and opening a laundrette,’ he says.

There will be no brandy in the brandy butter this Christmas. It’s all in Ellen instead.

She pins a notice to the notice-board.

Buy more brandy, it says. And stop making bloody resolutions.

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Fiction: Eau De Teenager’s Bedroom

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Eau De Teenager’s Bedroom

January.

Ellen pins her resolution to the noticeboard: No more picking up other people’s shit.

‘Mummy swore!’ says her youngest, Lucy.

‘Challenge accepted,’ says her eldest, Danny.

 

February.

A ripe pungency escapes from Danny’s room.

‘What’s that smell?’ asks Lucy.

‘Smell?’ says Ellen, adjusting the clothes-peg on her nose.

 

March.

Danny’s room disappears under magazines, washing, junk,

‘What are the candles for, Danny?’

‘Can’t find the light switch,’ says Danny. ‘Or the window.’

 

April.

‘I give up,’ Ellen adjusts her gas mask. ‘I’m coming in!’

‘Stop!’ Danny points at her feet. ‘Shoes off first. Were you born in a barn?’

 

(100 words)

Following on from a couple of comments I received, and having a few hours to pass on a train yesterday,  I wrote an extended version of this called No More Picking Up Other People’s Shit. Find out about Ellen’s next resolution, Lucy’s secret obsession and Danny’s future ambitions in this 500 word story!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Need more stuff to read? Give Firewords Quarterly a go (there’s one of my stories in Issue One!)