Friday Fiction: An Unfortunate Face

Morning all! I should probably apologise for this one in advance – I don’t really believe in ugliness, not of face anyway, but this was what I saw when I got the prompt. Blame my tiny, twisted mind 😀

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Copyright - Douglas M. MacIlroy
Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy

An Unfortunate Face

Some people are just too ugly for words, so you have to resort to non-words like ‘bleurgh’ and ‘yeeesh’. Greg was one such unlucky soul, his mother fainted when he was born, twice, and several times thereafter when he caught her unawares.

Then Greg’s father bought him an antique diver’s helmet for his birthday, and it transformed his life. Finally, he could hold his head up high (with his hands, anyway).

Every year they would ceremoniously lift the helmet to see if there was any improvement.

‘Sorry, son,’ said his dad, as his mother hit the floor. ‘Maybe next year…’

(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: Spring Cleaning in Santa Zita

I’ve got the day off work today, so plenty of time to dedicate to a fantastic foray into Friday Fiction (sorry, I seem to have gone alliteration-mad lately).

Last week I cheated massively by hyphenating the entire last sentence, but this week I’ve been good and there’s not a single hyphen (even though I was sorely tempted).

Oh, and despite my threats, Helena, nobody dies this week 🙂
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http://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/dee-2.jpg
Copyright D Lovering

Spring Cleaning in Santa Zita

The townsfolk of Santa Zita were a bunch of lazy bastards who couldn’t be arsed to maintain the exteriors of their homes. Instead, once a year, the mayor selected a handful of men to accompany him on a pilgrimage to the highest mountain in the land, to pray to the Great Cleaning Lady In The Sky.

‘Oh Majestic Domestic,’ they implored, poetically. ‘Grace us with the lustre of your giant feather duster!’

‘And wear that French Maid outfit again!’ the mayor squeaked, barely containing his excitement.

And the men sat on the mountain, eyes to the skies, and waited.

 

(99 words)

Saint Zita is the patron saint of maids and domestic servants. So we know who to pray to when we’ve run out of clean undies 🙂

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: Britain’s Burly Boy Bake Off

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http://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/studio-lights-from-kent.jpeg
Copyright – Kent Bonham

Britain’s Burly Boy Bake Off

Mary bit into the cake. On paper, Britain’s Burly Boy Bake Off had seemed like TV Gold – take a load of larger-than-life lads and stick them in a studio baking cakes. Some weren’t bad cooks either, Mary took another bite. Delicious.

But under the heat of the studio lights, things were going badly wrong, Bob “the Butcher” Branning’s butterscotch bombe had melted, giving it a pre-digested look, and Ten-Tonne-Tony’s tarte tatin was a disaster.

Still, the cake was nice. Mary took another bite. Very nice. And it made Mary care less. A lot less. Funny-floaty cake, Mary thought, funny-floaty-fluffy cake. Mmmm-funny-floaty-what’s-in-this-cake-anyway-i-need-more-cake-because-i’m-suddenly-very-very-peckish…

 

(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: The Wind in the Woods

I don’t normally go with the first idea that pops into my head, but this story practically wrote itself …

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http://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/in_the_writhen_forest.jpg
Copyright-John Nixon

The Wind In The Woods

‘Freeze everybody! Someone’s coming!’ They all held their positions as a lone rambler approached.

Willow’s weekly Yoga For Trees classes were a huge success (she was even thinking about branching out), but they were going to have to find a more secluded spot. The constant human interruptions were an irritation.

A long, low, mournful creak broke the silence, followed by the pungent smell of rotting leaves and bark mulch. The rambler held her nose and hurried on her way.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Cherry said, her pink blossom darkening a couple of shades, ‘I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.’

(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: A Hundred Coffee Cups

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Copyright -Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Copyright -Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

A Hundred Coffee Cups

Upstairs in the dilapidated building, barricaded in, protected from outsiders, the Genius is hard at work. The room is cluttered with whiteboards overloaded with Greek symbols and squiggly lines; a hundred coffee cups sit pointlessly, their contents long since congealed; top-heavy piles of books lie open, copious notes scrawled in the margins.

The Genius is close to solving the question, the Ultimate Question. The answer will change the world, change everything. The tension in the room is palpable, even the pen feels it, as it scribbles harder, faster.  The Genius leaps up.

‘Eureka!’ she yells, ‘That’s it! The answer is-‘

(100 words)

Damn that word count!

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: Fugly and Fuglier

It’s been a while (again) but I thought I’d give this another go. Hope you like it 🙂

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Copyright Adam Ickes
Copyright Adam Ickes

Fugly and Fuglier

Under the bridge, the trolls, Fugly and Fuglier, were bored and hungry. Nobody had come trip-trapping across in months and they were beginning to lose their troll-mojo.

‘Man!’ said Fugly. ‘I need to get me some goat, like now!’

‘I’m so hungry,’ replied Fuglier. ‘I could eat a horse.’

‘Horse? Ewww! That’s gross. Nobody eats horses.’

‘They do in France,’ said Fuglier, who had travelled extensively in his youth.

‘Seriously?’

‘Mais oui,’ said Fuglier, showing off.

‘Oh shit!’ said Champion (the Wonder Horse), as he gingerly tip-toed back across the bridge and headed downstream to find somewhere safer to cross.

(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: If I Were A Koi

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Copyright - C. Hase
Copyright – Douglas M MacIlroy

If I Were A Koi

After choking to death on a fish-bone at the Happy Plaice, Mr Gove was reincarnated as a funfair goldfish. While some may find this amusing, Mr Gove was decidedly unimpressed. The young girl who won him at the fair skipped along merrily clutching her catch. As Mr Gove bounced about inside the plastic bag, he contemplated his lot.

‘I should’ve been a Koi, at the very least!’ he grumbled. ‘This is an outrage!’

An ill-placed stone, a tumble, a grazed knee and a split bag saw Mr Gove swiftly on to his next incarnation

…as a slug.

When will he learn?

(100 words)

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Disclaimer: Any resemblance between the Mr Gove in the above story and our very own fish-faced Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove, is of course, entirely accidental. This is despite the fact that Michael Gove deserves to be reincarnated as a fish for screwing with my children’s education. Thanks to his latest ill-timed policy, my daughter’s exams have been cancelled days before she was due to sit them. Well done Mr Gove.  I wish you everything you deserve in this life and the next.

goveOK. Rant over. Let’s have some music. Here’s Beyonce singing the title song to my story: If I Were A Koi.

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: The Piano Whisperer

Happy Anniversary to Rochelle’s special brand of Friday Fiction! I’ve been gone a while, so I’m a bit rusty, but I hope you enjoy my little tale below.

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dismantled keyboard
copyright – Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

The Piano Whisperer

Although they did indeed live side by side on the piano keyboard, Ebony and Ivory did not live together in perfect harmony. They argued constantly, and anyone attempting to play their keys caused a cacophony that attracted cats from miles around.

In desperation, the keyboard’s owner called in the Piano Whisperer. He sat at the keyboard and leant in close.

‘Right you little bastards,’ he hissed. ‘Play nice or it’s off to the under-fives Musical Mayhem group, got it?’

The keyboard responded with a perfect rendition of Beethoven’s Ode To Joy.

And they all lived happily and harmoniously ever after.

(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: Scatterbrained

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Copyright - Douglas M. MacIlroy
Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy

Scatterbrained

As ditsy Penelope La Croix tumbled through the sky, her mind was all a-dither. Despite the exhilarating speed of her descent, she couldn’t help thinking she’d forgotten something very important.

‘Did I leave the iron on?’ she pondered, as she sped through the blanket of cloud. ‘Or did I forget to pay this month’s rent?’

‘Did I feed the cat?’ she worried as she hit three thousand feet. But it wasn’t that.

‘Wait, I remember! It was something the sky-diving instructor said…’

Penelope put her hands to her waist. The ground was approaching fast.

‘I’m supposed to pull the –

(100 words)

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I had loads of problems getting into people’s sites last week (including my own!) so didn’t get to read as many stories as I would’ve liked. Hopefully WordPress have sorted themselves out this week.

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! And thanks to Doug MacIlroy for this week’s picture.

Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: A Curious Prying Fellow

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Copyright -Anelephantcant
Copyright -Anelephantcant

A Curious Prying Fellow

When Norman’s tutor at the Peeping-Tom Academy discovered Norman was in his mid-forties, still lived with his mother and owned his own anorak, he was fast-tracked to Advanced Peepery.

After learning to drill holes without sawdust dropping through to the other side, the class headed to town with their cameras.

The trick, their tutor explained, is to look like you’re taking a picture of one thing, when actually, your focus is on something else entirely. Norman grasped the concept immediately and pointed his camera at an old bicycle.

The camera clicked and whirred. ‘Oh yes,’ murmured Norman. ‘Lovely, lovely legs.’

(100 words)

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It’s been a few weeks and I’ve really missed FF so it’s great to be back! Did you miss me as much as I missed you?

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!