Friday Fiction: “Good Morning. Have You Used Pear’s Soap?”

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Copyright Sarah Ann Hall

“Good Morning. Have You Used Pear’s Soap?”

Arnold had seen The Fly enough times to recognise the teleportation portals when he saw them. He’d never understood, watching the film, why nobody had tried experimenting with the molecule-melding properties of the technology…

Grandpa’s aversion to baths was legendary. Arnold ushered him into Portal One and handed him a bar of Pear’s. When Grandpa emerged from Portal Two, he certainly smelled better, having merged seamlessly with the soap.

If only Arnold had spotted the sneaky frog that had hopped inside Portal One as the door closed.

Grandpa’s tongue whipped out, snapping up a passing grasshopper.

‘Ribbett,’ he said, fragrantly.

(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

This week’s photo is courtesy of Sarah Ann Hall

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Friday Fiction: As Soon As This Pub Closes

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Copyright-Ted Strutz

As Soon As This Pub Closes

“You’re a writer? Well, you’re in good company. (Gerry, a pint for my friend!) Take that seat next to Freddy-the-Fish. Fred’s planning a memoir about his life at sea. (How’s the book going, Fred? … Bah, plenty of time, mate.) And here’s Bullshit Bill, he could make a fortune from his tall tales. (Where you goin’, Bill? I’m only kiddin’!) … Me? Kind of you to ask. Got me novel all planned out … On paper? No, it’s all up here, in me noggin. Soon as I get home, I’m gonna make a start. Just one more pint before I go. Same again?”

(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

This week’s photo is courtesy of Ted Strutz.

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Like the title? I stole it from Alex Glasgow’s song (worth listening right to the very end).

Friday Fiction: A Shot In The Park

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Copyright -KentBonham

A Shot In The Park

“Hello?”

“I’m in position in the garden. Security was non-existent.”

“Excellent. Can you see the house?”

“Sssshhh! Yes.”

“And you’ve got a clear shot?”

“Not so loud!”

“Nobody can hear me, you idiot, we’re on the phone.”

“Right. Sorry. Bit nervous.”

“Yeah, forgot it’s your first time.”

“There’s movement on the balcony. Shit!”

“Can they see you?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Now’s your chance. Remember what we practised? Keep calm, take aim…”

“My hands are shaking.”

“…focus…”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“For God’s sake, Kent, get a grip! It’s a flipping photo. Point. Click. Send to Rochelle. Easy!”

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(100 words)

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For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

This week’s photo is courtesy of Kent Bonham. Sorry, Kent, hope you can forgive my silly story

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: The Importance of Being Bob

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link at the end of my story to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Some of you non-fictioneers may have noticed that the Friday in Friday Fictioneers doesn’t appear to relate to the real Friday (you know, the one that normally follows Thursday), that’s because in Fridayfictionland Friday lasts from Wednesday morning all the way through to about Saturday lunchtime. Which is great because that means it’s always almost the weekend!

My story follows the picture prompt below, kindly provided by Claire Fuller. The steps made me think of those library step chairs – the ones which turn from a chair into steps.

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Copyright-Claire Fuller

The Importance Of Being Bob

We all wondered how Bob could be so happy so much of the time. We discussed it in groups, in pairs, and even with our wives.

‘It’s no mystery,’ Bob said, beaming. ‘I’m happy because I take pleasure in the simple things. Like this library chair, for instance. Flip the back down and it turns… into steps!’

Bob laughed and clapped his hands.

‘Chair… Steps!’ Bob laughed and clapped again. ‘Chair… Steps!’ Laugh. Clap.

We backed away, slowly, exchanging looks, ridiculing him. But secretly, deep down, each and every one of us wished we were a little more like Bob.

(100 words)

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Never considered writing in first person plural? This story is inspired by Then We Came To The End by Joshua Ferris- a novel written from the perspective of the collective – well worth a read.

Wish you were a bit more like Bob? Play Bob’s favourite game: Don’t Shoot The Puppy.

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Friday Fiction: In Which Tarquin Toffsworth Comes To A Sticky End

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link at the end of my story to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

The hardest thing about this week’s challenge was deciding whether to write “wasp nest”, “wasp’s nest” (as in The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest) or “wasps’ nest” – it was an apostrophe catastrophe!

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Copyright Janet Webb

In Which Tarquin Toffsworth Comes To A Sticky End

Tarquin Toffsworth evicted his first tenants aged twelve. He found a wasps’ nest, enticed the residents outside with jam, then terminated their tenancy with his shoe.

A single wasp survived. Her name was Jemima.

Years passed. Jemima was long gone but her legend lived on. Tarquin, now an unscrupulous property tycoon, leant nonchalantly over the balcony of his thirty-fifth floor penthouse. Jolene, Jemima’s great-great-great-great granddaughter, took vengeful aim. Tarquin yelped, clutched his buttock, over-balanced and fell to his death.

A passing treacle truck broke Tarquin’s fall. Jolene swooped, landed and licked.

‘So it’s true,’ she buzzed. ‘Revenge is indeed sweet.’

(100 words)

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Never heard of treacle? It’s a sweet sticky syrup!

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Friday Fiction: It’s Pretty – But Is It Art?

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link at the end of my story to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Thanks to Sandra Crook for the wonderful photo, which of course, immediately made me think of Bob Tambourine and his wife Windsock…

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Copyright Sandra Crook

It’s Pretty – But Is It Art?

As is often the case with Art, opinions were divided at the unveiling of Bob Tambourine’s latest creation.

Bob’s wife, Windsock, said it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, and thought he should name it ‘Your Chariot Awaits.’

Aunt Agatha declared it an eyesore, and suggested the title ‘Con-junk-tivitis’, chortling at her own wit.

Aloysius Danbury-Smythe, who had more money than sense and had downed several glasses of Bob’s infamous dandelion wine, slurred something incomprehensible and offered him five hundred quid for ‘the funny metal contraption’.

Bob pocketed the cash without hesitation and named the piece ‘Kerching’.

(100 words)

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Like the title? It’s not mine, I stole  it from a Rudyard Kipling poem: The Conundrum of the Workshops

Never heard of the Tambourines? Seriously? More here, here and here!

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Friday Fiction – The Dog and The Tree (Translated from the original by EL Appleby)

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link at the end of my story to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

This week I cheated – massively.

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From Scott Vanatter with permission – Copyright Indira

The Dog and The Tree (Translated from the original by EL Appleby)

Tree was mostly happy with his lot, he had plenty of sun and his dear friend, Stream, flowed beneath his roots. If it wasn’t for that damned dog, everything would be perfect.

‘Woof!’ [1] said Dog, as he cocked his leg and pissed all over Tree’s knobbly trunk, ‘Woof-woofy-woof-woof!’ [2]

Tree had an idea, he whispered it to Stream, ‘Rustley-rustle-rustle?’ [3]

And Stream replied ‘Whoosh-trickly-whoosh-whoosh-wooshy-wooshy-woo.’ [4]

The next day, Dog came bounding along and lifted his leg, ‘Woof! Woof-woofy-woof-woof!’

Stream, who’d been holding his breath for a good hour, aimed a burst of icy water at Dog’s privates.

‘Yelp!’ [5] said Dog.

‘Rustle-rrrustle-rustle!’ [6] giggled Tree.

(100 words – translations below for those who don’t speak Doggish, Treese or Streamese)

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[1] Hiya!

[2] Love ya, Tree, I really really love ya!

[3] Hey, Stream, I’ve got a plan to sort that damned dog out once and for all, you in?

[4] Ok.

[5] Fuck me, that’s cold!

[6] Best. Fun. Ever.

 

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