Get Me Out Of Here!

Copyright - Douglas M. MacIlroy

Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy

Get Me Out Of Here!

Ginny called 999. In Derek’s defence, it wasn’t his idea to try the stupid thing on in the first place, it was Ginny who’d begged and cajoled until he gave in.

Like many things in life, getting into it was easy but getting out considerably harder. Derek slumped in a chair and put his head in his hands. Unfortunately, having omitted to compensate for the weight of the massive antique helmet, he fell forwards, somersaulted and ended up flat on his back.

Ginny changed into a low-cut number, applied a bit of lippy and waited for the firemen to arrive…

(100 words)

This was originally entitled ‘Rescue Me’ but I think the new title is better. I normally leave my stories in draft form overnight to mature before publishing (the 100 word equivalent of leaving your novel in a drawer for 3 months), but the Publish button is right next to the Preview button and I pressed it by mistake – oops! There are a few more things I might have changed if I hadn’t done that, but I’ll leave the rest as it is.

Written for Friday Fiction – click the link below to see what other writers did with the prompt, or click here to head over to Rochelle’s place and join in.

I remember this one from the first time round – this is what I did with the prompt back then: An Unfortunate Face

Cinnamon Dreams

https://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/photo-by-piya-singh-bittercharm-6.jpg?w=720&h=405

Photo by Piya Singh

Cinnamon Dreams

Bob Tambourine and his kaftan-clad wife, Windsock, loved their crooked little stone house. Bob had built it himself (you could tell). Their daughter, Cinnamon Sky, was less enamoured. She craved normal things like matching plates, burgers made with meat not lentils, running water, electricity, clothes with the price tags on and food that comes in cellophane packets.

But most of all, thought Cinnamon Sky, as she squatted in the dark outside, most of all I want a toilet. Indoors. With a seat. And a flush. Cinnamon smiled at the thought, and then sighed as she accidentally peed on her toes.

(100 words – no cheating this week!)

 Written for Friday Fiction – click the link below to see what other writers did with the prompt, or click here to head over to Rochelle’s place and join in.

 

Need more Tambourines? Try Cinnamon Sky Sees The Light or It’s Pretty But Is It Art?

Lovely Legs

https://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2016/05/waves.jpg?w=1133&h=635

photo by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

 

Lovely Legs

“Don’t do it!” the old woman yelled into the waves. “Don’t do it, you foolish girl! He might be your Prince Charming now, but he’ll be Prince-having-it-off-with-Tina-from-the-chip-shop before you know it. They’re all lying bastards! I should know, I was you fifty years ago. Don’t make the same mistake!

And nobody warns you about leg cramps, or arthritis, or how insanely ugly knees are. And don’t get me started on varicose veins!”

There was a distant splash and the briefest flicker of a shimmering fishtail, then the sea fell silent. The old woman turned away, relieved.

“Bitch.” said Prince Charming.

(100 words)

…although I cheated with the word “Prince-having-it-off-with-Tina-from-the-chip-shop.” Check out other (probably more sensible) writers by clicking on the link below.

The Maud Manoeuvre

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

Photo by Roger Bultot

Although worms were hardly a gastronomic delight, when Maud died and was reincarnated as a brown sparrow, she embraced her new life with vigour. She’d been a heavy human, but now felt almost weightless as she sailed through the sky. She even invented her own little swoop, diving almost to ground-level then appearing to hop in mid-air before soaring up again. She called it the Maud Manoeuvre.

Her favourite pastime, however, was perching on the wire outside Number 22 with all the other sparrows. And shitting on her ex-husband as he left for work. She called that manoeuvre Just Desserts.

(100 words)

It’s been a while. I’m a little rusty and a day late, but here’s my silly (as always) offering for Friday Fiction. Click on the link below to see what other writers did with the prompt.

For more from me try this one: 100 word stories

Friday Fiction: The Ins & Outs of Love

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

https://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/roiling-cloud-1.jpg?w=800&h=533

Photo prompt copyright: Kelly Sands

The Ins And Outs of Love

They lie on their backs in her garden, watching the storm clouds roll by. It was Kate’s idea, she saw it in a film and hopes Sam will think her quirky, cool and romantic. Sam thinks it’s weird, but stays because he’s hoping for some action.

Kate is in love; Sam is in lust.

He makes his move…

Kate is inexperienced; Sam is in luck.

Her clothes slide off and he slides on…

Kate is in the buff; Sam is in Kate.

Something’s happening deep inside her…

Kate is in trouble.

Sam is in a taxi, heading out of town.

 

(100 words)

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Friday Fiction: #callingmrcupid

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

photo prompt: Claire Fuller

Photo prompt: Claire Fuller

 

#callingmrcupid

The words flashed on the screen, the ones she’d been dreading for weeks. She’d been thrilled to discover online dating, and even more thrilled when she’d been matched with Derek. They chatted every day, sometimes late into the night. But now the moment had come:

derek_132: Let’s meet.

Her heart raced and sank in equal measures. She knew it would be a disaster, it always was. Men changed when they met her, every man she had ever known, and she couldn’t bear to lose Derek. Still, maybe this time it would be different.

medusa_1: How do you feel about snakes?

 

(100 words)

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

For those who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a challenge to write a 100 word story from a picture prompt. It’s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and anyone can play. Thanks for hosting, Rochelle! Check out the link below to see what other fictioneers did with this week’s prompt.

Need more Friday Fiction? Click the blue frog to read more stories from other fictioneers!

Need more stuff to read? Give Firewords Quarterly a go (there’s one of my stories in Issue One!) NOW AVAILABLE AS A DIGITAL DOWNLOAD – CLICK HERE FOR MORE

carpe diem haiku: strawberry

strawberry

 

you are not a fruit

so stop pretending you are,

bloody pseudocarps

 ~

https://i2.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/PerfectStrawberry.jpg

For Carpe Diem prompt no. 501: strawberry

Need more ha ha haiku? Click here 🙂